Taking Feedback – How not to MESS it up.

Dear Readers, 

Taking feedback is also an important skill that we need to know, practice and harness.  If we don’t know how to handle feedback, we may mess up the relationship and our Career too.  In this posting, I want to share my thoughts on how to take or handle feedback. 

1. First Listen:

First listen and listen fully without any filters, disliking and any interruption.  It’s easier said than done.  It is a tough task because we immediately become busy thinking as to how to counter or justify.

Genuine efforts to listen and understand what the other person has got to say will go a long-way in understanding ourselves better (Knowing the Blind spot) and understanding and realising our full potential.

Talking about Listening, it’s a skill to be really practiced and harnessed like any other skill. Many times it’s generally taken for granted thinking that we are really good at it. But the fact is, right from the beginning of our life, we have always been taught how to read, write and speak but very rarely how to listen.

  

Believe me, Listening pays.  Listening is respecting.

2. Accept and don’t become Defensive:

No human is perfect. Taking and accepting feedback that highlights our improvement areas need not have to hurt our ego or self-esteem.  In fact, it will show us in better light as a person who is willing to take accountability for the mistake and learn from it. On the other hand, when we allow it, we tend to be defensive.

It’s a common mistake that many of us do.  It’s easy to accept the mistake than to justify in detail why you could not do it. The more we try to justify, the more we would get exposed. That’s the fact.

  

I would like to quote what Stephen R Covey said. “Making a mistake is one thing and not accepting is another thing.  When we refuse to accept, we refuse to learn from our mistake and own responsibility for the mistake”.

When we become defensive, we become blind to all the important feedback that we need in our professional or life journey and we also stop the other person/s from giving feedback to us freely.

It’s a sure recipe to become stagnant and obsolete.

3. It’s not Personal

It’s commonly said that it’s very difficult to give feedback to Indians because we tend to take it personally.  By and large, I would agree with this.  The first feedback raises some doubts as to whether I am being disliked.  We take the second and third feedback as a confirmation for disliking and it causes friction in the relationship.

It would be good if we can consciously train ourselves to accept that the feedback is about a particular job and it’s not personal. 

Let us not dislike the person, peer / boss, giving the feedback. It should not cause friction in the relationship, reporting or peer relationship.

4. Do Validate:

We may get lot of feedback in our professional /life journey. We don’t have to start acting on every feedback given and it may not be wise too.

But it’s important to evaluate it objectively first and if it’s making sense, we should accept it and work on it.

Acceptance is the first step towards change and self-development.

5. Do Participate:

We can become proactive and participate in the feedback process.   We can ask for situations and circumstances wherein we did not perform to the expected level, mistakes made etc., This will throw lot of light as to where we are lacking and what we need to do.

This will make the whole process healthy and one would come across as someone who is really interested in self-analysis and development. 

6. Check your Emotions

Sometimes, I’ve seen people getting really disturbed and becoming very emotional.  Few get very upset and end up crying too.  This is a strict “Don’t” unless you want to come across as someone who is not matured enough/who cannot handle his/her own emotions.

We should learn to channelize our emotions and express it in a more acceptable manner.

Conclusion:

As I said before, we should learn how to handle feedback. It’s one important skill that every professional should possess.  One should take conscious efforts to learn and acquire it like any other skills.

When we don’t handle feedback well, we may mess up the relationship and our Career too. That is a huge stake.

Remember, every feedback pushes us to give our best and become the best.

diD yOU enJOY ReADinG ThIS ArTIcLE? 

                                  If yES, 

yOU maY sHAre it wiTH Your FriENds tOO.

Feedback – How not to MESS it UP- III

Dear Readers,

In this posting, I’ve written about the importance of "walking the talk" before giving feedback.  Hope you would find it interesting.

Should we walk the talk?

I remember a story of mother who would be very unhappy that her son is eating lot of sugar which is not good for health.  She would take him to a Saint nearby hoping that the saint can give appropriate feedback to her son and her son would also listen to him.  After listening to the mother, the Saint would ask the mother to come after a week.  The next week, when she goes, the saint would advise the boy not to have too much of sugar.

Surprised that the Saint could have done it last week itself, she would ask him why he took one week time and what is the reason for delaying it by a week.

The saint would reveal to her that he himself was indulging in having lot of sugar till last week.  Before advising, he wanted to stop it himself first and then advise the boy.

This story conveys one simple message very effectively. 

Unless one “walks the talk” or is a role model, he cannot give feedback or advice anyone on that particular aspect. 

No walk the talk means it’s just a preaching which will never be effective and others can easily see us through in the long run. As leaders or Managers, we would not have a moral ground to just preaching without practising.

One cannot talk about cost cutting on one side and spend lavishly on personal perks on the other side.

I still remember how one Business leader set himself as a role model in one my of earlier organisation when it was going through a tough phase and when lot of austerity measures were being taken to save the Plant.  Besides various measures, at personal level, the Business Head got his jeep’s (used for daily plant visit) petrol engine replaced with an old diesel engine from the workshop.  And he did that with a very genuine intention.  When employees came to know about it, every message and feedback that he conveyed on cost-cutting had a very good reach till the grass-root level and everyone was looking up to him.

To put it in a nutshell, we can talk about

 Ø Honesty only when we are honest

Ø Integrity and ethics only when we practice it in our day-to-day life

Ø Punctuality only when are punctual

Ø Fairness and objectivity only when we are fair in our transactions, decision-making etc., 

I think this sums up the message as to why one  should be a role model or walk the talk himself first before giving feedback to others.  

That’s all for this posting. Would appreciate your thoughts &  feedback and pls. do share your experience too. 

diD yOU enJOY ReADinG ThIS ArTIcLE? 

                                  If yES, 

yOU maY sHAre it wiTH Your FriENds tOO.

Feedback – How not to MESS it UP – II

Dear Readers,

I have written few more points in continuation of the last post on feedback.

1) Data-based approach:

Data puts things in the right perspective in a precise manner without any ambiguity for both the parties involved in the feedback process. It avoids conflicts and it’s easy to convince. 

Wherever possible, one should always try to quantify and speak with data. 

For instance, instead of saying, performance needs to be improved (for a production staff) it can be quantified and said like “Productivity is less by 30%” or “Quality is less by 10%”.

2) Hot-stove Rule – McGregor

The hot-stove rule of McGregor in discipline management can be applied in feedback process too. In fact, feedback is part of disciplinary management.

When you touch the hot stove, you get your fingers burnt. It’s immediate, consistent, impersonal and you are already aware that if you touch it, it will burn your finger.

Similarly, for feedback to have maximum impact and to bring out the desired change, it should be given immediately then and there.  It has to be consistent, impersonal (fair and objective) and there should be clarity on what is the expected norm /what would be construed as a deviation from the norm.

3) Liking and disliking:

Sometimes, I’ve seen supervisors/managers hesitating to give feedback fearing that their team members would start disliking them.

Peter Drucker said “Leadership is not about liking or disliking. It’s about delivering results”. 

As long as one is fair and transparent in his approach, there should not be any hesitation.  Going by liking and disliking and avoiding feedback in the right time will lead to complacency and ineffective teams.  And it’s a not an effective supervisory / leadership style.

4) Keep emotions in check

We humans are emotional beings.  It’s very important not to bring in emotions at the time of giving feedback. 

For instance, when you overreact, the very purpose of feedback would be defeated.  Sometimes, one tends to take a soft stand and hesitate to share feedback which should also be avoided.

Aristotle said, “before getting angry, one should ask whether he is angry for the right reason, with the right person, at the right time and to the right degree. 

I think it’s worthwhile to remember this golden principle. One should ask similar questions in his mind and decide as to how to share the feedback in the most appropriate way.

Over dosage of feedback with emotions will lead to only de-motivation.

What do you think about Feedback as an effective tool for People Development?  Would appreciate your “Feedback” and thoughts.

diD yOU enJOY ReADinG ThIS ArTIcLE? 

                                  If yES, 

yOU maY sHAre it wiTH Your FriENds tOO.

Feedback – How not to MESS it UP - I

Dear Readers,

I remember the first feedback that I’ve got from my Boss when I started my career.  It was not a good feeling for me though the lapse was very much on my side.

When I had few people reporting to me, I realized the real importance of giving feedback and trust me, I really messed it up leaving a bad taste. 

Feedback is an important tool to build great teams and organizations.

Having come a long way, I would like to share my thoughts on  importance of Feedback in this posting.

Is Feedback important?

When Kamal Hassan, one of the actors well-known for his versatile talent in India, got Life time achievement award for completing 50 years, he said the credit should go to all his Critics, the people who criticized him in his career journey.  He said, but for those criticisms, he wouldn’t have got the opportunity to learn and get better on an on-going basis.

Peter Drucker, the Management Guru, improved his performance very drastically in his first job after his Boss told him very openly that his work was really not up to the mark and he would not have a place unless the performance was improved. 

To put it simply, the value of feedback is as simple and powerful as the above cases; It is a necessary tool for People development in any set-up.

Feedback is a blessing in disguise.  Feedback, when given appropriately  (of course, when taken & evaluated objectively with an open mind by the other person) will help one to better himself and know his blind spot.

Feedback is one of the important tools for Managers to build their teams and to improve the performance of the team and organization.

Are we hesitant to give Feedback?

Many times, we are hesitant to give feedback and we shy away from giving open and honest feedback.  Sometimes, we tend to postpone till the dooms day, fearing conflict or how to convince the other person.  People tend to take feedback personally, especially in India.  It can be misunderstood like personal disliking causing friction in the relationship.  So what is at stake is relationship and hence Mangers hesitate to give feedback.

On the other hand, one goes overboard and gives feedback in an inappropriate way de-motivating the team in the best possible way.

Both are not good.  I would like to talk about few thumb rules to share feedback in an effective way.

1) Interpersonal Relationship – Trust and Confidence

The first and foremost important pre-requisite is that there should be enough trust and confidence in the relationship between two people, the supervisor and the team member/s,  involved in the feedback process.  When it’s missing, however well intended or however sugar-coated the feedback is, it’ll not fetch the right result. 

So, the first step is building trust and genuine confidence in the relationship with the team members.

The onus of building effective working relationship and healthy working environment lies with the Boss / Supervisor. (on the same lines of what Gallup said - Onus of motivation lies with the boss)

2)  Dignity and worth of the individual

This is one of the Social Work principles that I studied in my college which I think is very much relevant in Corporate as well.  Every employee deserves proper dignity; At the time of giving feedback, it’s very important to treat them with respect however bad their performance is or whatever the issue is.

Managerial position is not about power.  It’s all about responsibility.  Responsibility towards treating people with respect, motivating and developing them on a continuous basis.

3) Red Zone and Green Zone Principle

While giving feedback, highlight the consequences of the mistake rather than pinpointing or highlighting the mistake.  The first one is a Green zone feedback and the second one is a Red zone feedback. 

When the feedback flows from Red zone, people become defensive and they don’t accept their lapses. 

It becomes personal in the latter and people would not be open to accept.

When it is from Green zone wherein consequences are highlighted like customer feedback / revenue loss etc., the chances of one feeling guilty of his lapses and realizing it are very high.

A big challenge in following this practice is to resist the temptation to pin-point the mistake to prove somebody wrong. 

Another point that I would like to clarify is “Spade is called as spade” here too and it’s just the acceptable approach that is being emphasized here.

4) Old is Gold- Give Feedback in Private

Praise in public and reprimand in private and NEVER do it in REVERSE.  Though it sounds like a very common sense approach and basic rule, it’s one of the most flouted rules in feedback giving.

That’s it for this week and I am going to share some more thoughts on the same topic next week. 

What do you think about Feedback as an effective tool for People Development?  Would appreciate your “Feedback” and thoughts.

diD yOU enJOY ReADinG ThIS ArTIcLE? 

                                  If yES, 

yOU maY sHAre it wiTH Your FriENds tOO.

Self-Motivation

Dear Readers,

In this writing, I am going to write about a person, Siddharth Jayakumar, who overcame all the obstacles in his life and proved that “Impossible is Nothing” in real life. Read this inspiring real story to get inspired and to inspire others. Read it to believe it.

Why this topic?

First time, I came to know about Siddharth just few weeks ago through Sashikanth of HR Sangam.

I’ve heard and read about success stories;  For the first time, I’ve listened to the success story of someone directly from the person himself.  He spoke for about 90 minutes about his life struggles right from childhood and how he overcame them.  A very touching and inspiring true life story.

He is a person who just defied the societal biases and prejudices.  Someone who stood up against all the odds. Someone who has conquered himself and made others to take notice of him.  His determination and never-give up attitude is like a mountain.  To me, he epitomizes what self-motivation is all about in its truest sense.

I wanted to write about such a person who keeps inspiring others just by the way he overcame all his obstacles and the way he lives his life in a successful manner.

Thanks to HR Sangam Team and especially  Sashikanth Jayaraman for organizing such wonderful program.

Who is Siddharth ?

Photo source - HR Sangam

He is working as Dy. Manager –Trade Services Operations with IDBI Bank, Chennai.  He earlier worked with ABN Amro Bank, now called as RBS.

He holds MA in Economics with flying colors.

He scored 100% in Computer Science and 197/200 in Mathematics in his HSC.

He has received many Awards for various achievements at a very young age.

Then what is the problem?

In spite of all the above achievements, he could not get an opportunity to attend any interviews.   

The reason – He is a person with Cerebral Palsy.

A clear denial of a fair opportunity which would have helped him to prove himself.   He was just summarily rejected in all the places.

Cerebral Palsy is a condition wherein there is lack of co-ordination between the brain and body resulting in involuntary physical movement, unclear speech etc., 

He was born absolutely normal like any other human being.  He was affected by jaundice when he was a new born child.  Since he was born in a rural area, he could not get proper medical treatment which affected his brain leading to Cerebral palsy.  It created problems and challenges that are unthinkable.  Even his parents could not know what the real problem was till he turned 9 years.

He had to struggle and face so many challenges to reach where he stands now.  His life has been full of challenges.

  

Siddharth single-handedly fought against all the societal biases & prejudices and found a place for himself.

More than anything else, according to me, he fought with his own self in terms of learning and unlearning constantly and continuously with pain and single-minded determination. He is a conqueror of his own self.

My Personal learning:

There were many learning but I would like to write about few points that I personally liked very much.

1. Determination like a Mountain:

It took 10 years of practice to speak how he does today.  The minds speaks faster and if the body does not respond as fast as the mind, there is a lag resulting in unclear speech.  So he had to adjust his mind to the speed of the body to speak clearly.  He defeated the problem rather than allowing the problem to defeat him.   I see here immense amount of determination and never-give up attitude.  Anybody would have very easily given up.

A painful process and practice of 10 years reminds of 10000 hours of practice to become an outlier in what you do (Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell).  To me, Siddharth is an “Outlier”.

He got flying colours in Academics.  The challenges he faced were not in studies but in giving life to it at exams.  He had to depend on the Scribes. But, sometimes when you get a scribe who does not know English, how to make them understand and write the exams for you.  He did all that by spelling each and every letter.  An unthinkable task for all of us.

2) Move away from “Comfort Zone”:

Many of us enjoy being in Comfort Zone and sometimes, we are not even aware that we are in it. Everything that we want in our Life is outside our “Comfort Zone”. 

Siddharth has pushed himself away from his Comfort Zone.  He had a choice to accept the “Sympathy” of everyone.  He had a choice of taking up any job that came his way.  He had a choice of staying back at ABN AMRO where he knew everyone and everyone knew him.  But he consciously moved out of his Comfort Zone at every point of his life to explore new challenges and opportunities.

At no point of time, he chose to be in Comfort Zone and constantly pursued what he wanted.

How many so called “normal” people can do this including me?  A thought-provoking thought to give a deep thought.

3) Emotional Quotient - That’s what makes you a Winner, not IQ:

How would you feel when you are asked, “Can you read?” in your PG admission interview.  Furious and feel like blasting the other person?  Yes.  But will that help? A Big No.

Instead of reacting to such situations, he channelized all the anger into a positive energy and proved himself.  He learnt to control and manage his emotions. 

When was the last time we lost our cool?

May be it’s very often.   We certainly have a big lesson to learn here.

4) “90/10” Principle of Stephen R Covey – A Perfect example:

I am not sure whether we practice it or not, but we do know what this principle means.  We don’t have control over what happens to us in our life (10%) but we have absolute control over how we can choose to react (90%). 

Siddharth consistently chose to act on what is within his circle of influence with full focus.   No cribbing / reaction and self-pity.

Siddharth and Will Smith in “Pursuit of happiness”

After listening to Siddharth, one movie that struck my mind was the “Pursuit of Happiness”.  I kind of see Siddharth as Will smith who fights against all odds with absolute optimism.

Without exaggeration, I would say that Siddharth’s life story is worth looking at for writing a book or even making a movie. 

The objective is to create awareness in our society – Parents, educational institutions right from pre-kg to post-graduate colleges and business schools, Teachers, professionals and people from all walks of life – about what differently-abled people are capable of doing and to give confidence to people with cerebral palsy and people who are differently-abled..

They don’t need our sympathy.  They need our support, equal treatment and a “fair” opportunity.

People behind Siddharth

Beyond Siddharth, I see his parents who did everything they could, without giving up at any point of time. 

I see Teachers who had faith and gave him confidence and contributed a lot to what he is. 

Srinivasan, The first HR person who gave him the opportunity, when every HR refused to give him the opportunity, there was someone who wanted to listen and that made a big difference to Siddharth.

ABN Amro that gave a break and proved that they are indeed an equal opportunity provider. 

Final words:

A convex lens well focused can burn a piece of paper or cotton because of the concentration of all the energies into a single point.  Similarly, when you focus and concentrate your mind, you unlock the total power & potential that you are otherwise not aware of.  It’s like a laser beam. That’s what single-minded focus is all about.  And that’s what exactly Siddharth did. 

The struggles and challenges faced by Siddharth made him what he is today. 

To believe me, you should see him speaking in flesh and blood.. you would be completely floored.  

He spoke with absolute clarity of thought with very good command over the language.  He had a good sense of humour and conveyed his points in a powerful way - much beyond the normal standards and normal people. He was a treat to listen to.

He is one of the best Motivational Speakers. 

To conclude, Siddharth is a sure recipe for Motivation.

diD yOU enJOY ReADinG ThIS ArTIcLE? 

                                  If yES, 

yOU maY sHAre it wiTH Your FriENds tOO. 

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